My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
