apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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