well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
