We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
smell my finger.
do herpes really smell.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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