just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
