he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
