I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
