so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
