Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
