If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
