Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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