i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
