I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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