Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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