By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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