Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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