I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
