Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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