I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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