She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The adults are the big ones right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
