I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
