morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
