There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
