Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize