yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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