Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
