Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
