I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
