This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
