eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
