finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
