For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
