were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
