Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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