Im at strip club and am horny
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
