I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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