I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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