Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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