There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
