I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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