bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
