There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
