I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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