I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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