So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
