I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
