what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We have so much sex to catch up on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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