Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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