just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
