Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
