I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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