I just gift wrapped bread.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
