never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
