last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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