these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize