She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You smell like stripper and shame
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
