we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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