Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
