Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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