A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
