I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
