I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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