I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
