He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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