if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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