Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
