I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
zippers are such a cool invention
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
