So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
