dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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