Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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