Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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