a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
