someone owes me an orgasm
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
