Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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